No, It Really Isn't That Hard

In a recent article in the Huffington Post, Wendy Davis, a Democratic politician from Texas who tried to become governor said this:

She is angry about the threat of Planned Parenthood being defunded. She thinks abortion is great. She thinks it is unfair for women to have carry children to term. 

Several thoughts went through my mind as I read this. First, the use of "literally" is like, totally, lame. 

Second, no one is forcing women into being child bearing vessels. They are born that way.  God made women to bear children. They do not enter this world with no reproductive organs and then some scientist inserts a womb. They enter this world with wombs and breasts, which are for carrying, giving birth to, and feeding children. 

Third, very few women are forced to bear children. The only exception would be a pregnant rape victim. All other women know that having sex can lead to children and they chose to do it anyway. If they don't want children then they shouldn't have sex. Typically we see in this statement by Ms. Davis the divorcing of sex from procreation. She wants to chant, "Make love, not children." The world doesn't work that way. 

Finally, is it really that hard to feed and educate a bunch of children? Raising children is hard work. But feeding them and educating them is not the most difficult part. In fact, I have never had a problem feeding or educating my children. One year I made less than thirteen thousand dollars and my children (at that time I had four) were still fed, clothed, and educated. Currently, I have nine children. My wife has not worked for money in many years. I am a pastor. In other words, I am not rich, have a lot of children, and my wife does not work. You might think I would struggle to make ends meet. But that is not the case. We feed our children just fine without using government money.  We home school our children and they regularly score above the national average on tests. In other words, I pay for my kids school and I pay for someone else's kids school. My church is kind to me, but I know that even with nine children I could feed and educate them on a lot less than what I currently make. 

Everyone does not have to do it my way, though I think you should avoid the schools of Molech. And I know there are hard cases where it is difficult to pay the bills. But most people by hard work, careful use of resources, sacrifice, and a refusal to buy everything being sold by the advertisers can feed and educate their children, even when they have a lot of them. It is getting harder to make ends meet. But that is because of all the taxes being taken from the people to fund overseas wars, public school, welfare, and Planned Parenthood. We can feed and educate our children as long the Republicans and Democrats will let us keep our money.  So the answer is not more government programs or abortion. The answer is lower taxes, hard work, and lots of little feet. 

"I Now Take Thee" Weddings in Calvin's Geneva

Here is my next to final post on Kingdon and Witte's book on marriage in Geneva. At the bottom of this post you can find the other articles.

Eloping or getting married without a public wedding ceremony has become a trend of late. As the value of our wedding vows have diminished through divorce and fornication so too have wedding themselves become passe. Weddings are still big business, but many couples are choosing to avoid ceremonies all together.  In Geneva there was no eloping. 

In Geneva "Marriages without weddings were invalid."  You could not be married without a public ceremony presided over by the pastor and witnessed by the congregation. "Marriages that had been secretly contracted or improperly celebrated elsewhere had to be announced and celebrated anew in a church wedding in Geneva." The couple, the church, and the magistrate all had to consent to the marriage before the wedding was performed. Here was the process:

Once the couple got engaged they had six weeks to get married. If they did not get married within six weeks they would be called in to give an account for the delay. 

They would take a set of "banns" to get signed by the magistrate. Banns were "written announcements of the pending wedding." This announced had to be approved by the city of Geneva. 

Assuming the magistrate signed the banns they would be read in church for three consecutive Sundays. This would give anyone who had an objection a chance to bring a halt to the wedding or at least post-pone it. 

The wedding could be celebrated any day the congregation gathered to hear the Word preached. Preaching happened several times a week. So the couple was not restricted to Sundays, though Sunday weddings were common. Weddings were performed prior to the worship service. 

On the day of the wedding, the bride if she was a virgin wore a veil. She could also wear a wreath of flowers unless she had committed fornication with the groom. The groom and groomsmen would go to the bride's house and collect the bride and the bridesmaids. The bride would have flowers as would the bridesmaids. They would march two by two to the church with the groomsmen in front, the bride and groom in between, and the bridesmaids last. The congregation would assemble at church with the wedding party waiting at the door. When the minister got up front the wedding party would enter. The wedding would then be performed followed by a worship service. Following worship the couple would then go to the groom's home for a celebration. 

"Public wedding ceremonies could be followed by private wedding parties, provided the parties were modest in size and moderate in decorum. Wedding hosts and guests found guilty of excessive dancing, drinking, and debauchery faced firm spiritual and civil sanctions." 

The authors say this, "A central point of Calvin's marriage theology [was] that marriages were at once public and private, spiritual and temporal, ecclesiastical and political in nature."

The Same

The similarities between this and modern weddings is striking. Engagement. Announcement. Wedding in a church presided over by a minister. Reception/Private party after the wedding. Approval before or after the wedding by church, state, and often the family. Even though wedding services are not attached to worship like they were in Calvin's time, they usually include a sermon. All in all the flow is similar to conventional weddings. 

Differences

However there are also some differences to note. 

First, engagements were very short. This was designed to prevent premarital sex. But it probably also curbed excessive spending. 

Second, it is interesting that the women wore different things based whether or not they were a virgin or had fornicated with the groom to be. In previous post I noted that if a couple slept together before marriage they had to confess that sin at their wedding. Only a virgin could wear a veil. Even a widow who was remarrying could not wear a veil. 

Third, I really like it that the groom goes and gets the bride. While our tradition has the groom not seeing the bride before she comes down the aisle, the symbolism of the groom getting the bride is more Biblical. I am not sure how that would work practically in our culture and time, but the idea is cool. 

Fourth, while in our times families, churches, and the government all have a say in marriage there is not the unity between these parties that there was in Geneva. We have no consensus on what marriage even is, much less who should enter into it. This means different groups are often pitted against one another. The state might say a marriage is fine while the parents and church say no. I want to look more carefully at this intersection of marriage, family, church, and government. 

I have one more post on Calvin's wedding liturgy. 

Previous Posts

General Overview of the Book
An Overview of Marriage Prior to Calvin
Calvin's Attack on Marriage as a Sacrament
Consent to Marriage in Geneva
The Desire for Reconciliation Instead of Divorce
The Power of the Consistory in Geneva
Courtship in Geneva
Coercion to and Conditions of Marriage in Geneva
Parental Consent to Marriage in Geneva
Impediments to Marriage in Geneva
Economics of Marriage in Geneva
Premarital Sex in Geneva
Desertion in Geneva

Porn is Barren

One of the things that should be most obvious to a man about the women involved in pornography is that such images, however appealing a man may find them, are images that can present him with no children. They are barren. They flaunt their breasts, but they will never nurse the children of those who gawk with them. The men who pursue such women are men who want such barrenness; they find it a selling point. Another way of saying this is that they don't want to be fathers. They want the privileges of sexual release (after a fashion) but without the responsibilities that God's wisdom necessarily attached to these pleasures.  Douglas Wilson in Father Hunger.  

Sexual Purity for Singles: The Armory

There are no quick and easy methods for keeping your heart and mind pure before marriage.  In this fallen world we must wake up each day and fight the battle again. And our weapons do not change. They are same as they have always been; communion with God and with his people.

The first weapon is the reading, study, and memorization of God’s Word. You are probably sick of hearing about this. But God's Word is the weapon he has given us to defeat Satan, his allies, the world, and the sin our own hearts. It is the tool Jesus used when he was tempted. It is the tool we should use as well. Battles require weapons, not good intentions. You can have a great desire to win the battle, but if you show up on the battlefield in your pajamas your intentions are irrelevant. You will get slaughtered. You have to prepare to fight. Your first line of defense is the Scripture. Don’t leave your sword on the shelf. Don’t let your sword become dull. Read God's Word. Memorize it. Study it. Pray it. Sing it. Filling yourself up with God's Word will help drive sin out of your heart. 

Second, we must develop healthy prayer lives. We should regularly take our requests to our faithful High Priest, who will give us the aid we need to fight the battles. Remember the passage in Ephesians on the armor of God ends with a call to prayer (Ephesians 6:10-20).  Prayer is often one of the last things we turn to because it doesn’t seem powerful. But this only shows our lack of faith.  If God is real and his Son is real and the Spirit is real then prayer is a great weapon in our battle for sexual sanctification. 

Third, we should have regular fellowship with God’s people. Worship is, of course, the primary way we do this. You cannot expect to have victory over sexual sin if you are not worshiping weekly with God’s people. But go beyond that. Keep company with those who are chasing after the same goals as you. Hang out with holy people even if they are not as cool as the unholy ones.  Brothers in arms are good to have when you are fighting temptation. Sisters who are watching their hearts and minds are good companions on the road of sanctification.

            

Fourth, be accountable. This is not the same thing as the fellowship of number three. Build a relationship with someone of the same sex who is more mature (usually older) than you. Make this a relationship where the hard questions are asked. Ladies this is not just for men.  Do you have someone that keeps you accountable? Do you have someone who will ask you whether you are flirting? Do you have someone who will ask you about your sexual purity? Do you have someone who will warn you if you are getting too close to a guy? Men, who asks you the hard questions? Who asks you about your thought life, about what you do in the shower, or about how you treat women at work? If the answer is “No one” or “I am not sure” then you are in danger. 

Sexual Purity for Singles: What to Remember

First, the battle is in your heart and mind, but it cannot remain there. We lust because our hearts are crooked. We crave that young man’s attention because we are covetous. So we must work on reshaping our desires. But that does not mean we ignore the dangers around us.  Learn to identify your lusts. But also learn to identify those things outside of you that inflame your lusts. In other words, work on your heart, but do not ignore practical ways of avoiding temptation. 

Second, you have a lot less self-control than you think. Proverbs 7:26 says that those who fall prey to the harlot are many (ESV) or strong (NKJV).  In either version you get the point. You are not above falling.  Get too close and you will get burned. Pride is one of the great slayers of men. Often sexual sin is one of chief ways it slays us. 

Third, emotional closeness and physical closeness are meant to go hand in hand. You cannot grow in emotional intimacy with someone of the opposite sex without also growing in your desire to be close physically. Excluding family members, you should be careful in getting too close emotionally with members of the opposite sex. 

Fourth, intimacy outside of marriage does not prepare you for intimacy within marriage. The world believes that to have a good marriage you must go on several “test drives” before choosing your car. This is a lie of the Devil. A one night stand is nothing like sleeping with the same woman every night for 50 years. Kissing that young man in the backseat is nothing like kissing the same man every morning and every night for 50 years. Skipping from dating relationship to dating relationship is nothing like being committed to the same person for decades. 

Fifth, intimacy without real commitment does not prepare you for marriage. By this, I mean pornography, online chatting, flirtatious relationships at work, long phone conversations with members of the opposite sex, one night stands, casual dating, etc. These situations do not involve real obligations or they involve minor obligations that do not parallel the obligations that come with marriage. Some of these things are held up as getting you ready for marriage. That is a lie. Not only do these types of relationships not prepare you for marriage, they often prepare you for divorce.

Sixth, marriage does not automatically fix an undisciplined life. Our minds deceive us when we think, “That porn habit will disappear when I have a real woman.” Or “I will stop flirting with the guys when I have someone to take care of me.”  No you won’t. Work on that sin right now. Marriage is not an automatic sexual disinfectant. 

Sexual Purity for Singles: Three Foundations

Sexual purity is one of the most difficult things for a single man or woman to maintain in our world. The ease of access to porn, the late age at which many people are marrying, the freedom people have in their single life, and the failure by fathers and pastors to faithful shepherd has left many Christians singles open to sexual sin. In a series of blog posts I would like to address how single Christians can maintain sexual purity.

By the way, in recent years the sexual purity of women has become just as big a problem as sexual purity of males. 1 out of 3 internet pornography users is a woman. Most women do not enter marriage as virgins. Even those women who are virgins have often been physical with guys or become emotionally attached to men.  Sexually purity of both body and mind is not a male thing anymore. These posts are addressed to both men and women. Throughout these articles I will be using the phrase “sexual purity” in a broad way to mean physical, emotional, and mental purity.

Three things for single men and women to remember as they pursue sexual purity. 

            

First, sexual purity is possible. In our culture purity may seem like a dream for both men and women. Our culture tells us to not deny our urges, but instead to act upon them. What harm can a little pornography do? What harm can those lustful thoughts do? What is the big deal if I flirt with some of the guys? But the Scriptures expect us to be sexually pure.  When our Lord Jesus gives us commands like Matthew 5:27-30 or Ephesians 5:3-5 or I Thessalonians 4:3 or I Corinthians 6:18 he is not mocking us. He is not saying, “I am giving you these commands, but I know you cannot do these things.” No!  He is saying, “Because I have forgiven you and given you my Spirit and taken out your heart of stone you can be holy, clean, and pure.” We can be sexually pure because our Savior has made us clean by his blood. Practical holiness is not a dream.  

Second, sex is good and you were made for a sexual relationship within the bounds of marriage.  Christians rightly warn that sex outside of marriage is sinful. But the danger is that we come to see sex as bad instead of sinful sex as bad. Marriage is a “you are now free to have sex” card. Unless you have the gift of celibacy, you were made to sleep with someone.  Don’t let your fight for sexual purity become a fight against sex itself. We don't hate dessert just because we had to wait for it. 

Third, those who have had sex before marriage or who have been too physical can still have wonderful Christ honoring marriages. Christ came to help put us back together again. What you do before marriage will have consequences. But Jesus, by his word, his Spirit, and his people, can help you work through your past sins so your marriage can honor Christ. Those who have sinned sexually should not despair. Christ picks us up where we are. 

The Christian Marriage Bed: Part II

You can find the first six points here.

Seventh, sex was created by God for the procreation of children. This does not mean you should only have sex to have children.  You should have sex because it is fun, and you love your spouse.  But to purposely exclude children from the marriage bed is wrong.

Eighth, do not compare your sex life to someone else’s. In our culture, we can read books about how to have great sex, talk to friends who describe their sex lives, view pornography or watched R-rated movies. Our view of the marriage bed becomes warped by unrealistic expectations pushed on us by the culture or friends. If you are having genuine problems in the marriage bed then get some help. But do not worry about measuring up to some standard out there. You are supposed to please one person; your spouse. Is your spouse happy? When they aren’t can you discuss the problem and work it out? Okay, then you are fine.

Ninth, Elisabeth Elliott said that sometimes sex is a steak and sometimes it is a sandwich.  Sex cannot bring you infinite pleasure. Some sexual experiences will be lame. Some will be funny. Some will be wonderful. Be content with that. The world tells us that every time we have sex it must be an unbelievable experience. Pastor Joel Beeke calls this the idol of the orgasm. There are at least two problems with believing that every sexual experience must be great:

1. We are never satisfied. We keep wanting more and more. The world tells us that sex will bring us great pleasure every time. When it doesn’t we are disappointed. We can start allowing perversions into the bedroom, thinking there is something wrong with us, looking down on our spouses if they are not giving us the experience we want, or fantasizing about a better sexual partner. 

2. We will only make love when the situation is perfect. Because we are looking for mountain top experiences we can miss opportunities that would fulfill us and our spouse, yet are not perfect.

Tenth, learn to communicate with one another about your sexual experiences and desires. This can be awkward, especially if something is not going right or someone is upset.  The husband should lead by opening up lines of communication and listening carefully to his wife. Often men are selfish blockheads in the bedroom. We can ignore our wives sexually. Our wives need to be able to tell us what they need and want. But a wife needs teaching as well. The female perspective is not automatically correct. If you cannot work out a problem on your own then discuss it with your pastor and wife or a trusted older couple.

Eleventh, there will be dry spells in marriage. Often prior to having a child or just after there can be months where a woman cannot make love or where making love can be very difficult. There may be times where the husband is very busy at work and the wife is watching the little ones at home. When the evening comes they are exhausted. There may be a housing situation that prevents easy love making or someone might be sick for a while. During these times the husband must be especially attentive. If it is in his hands, he should work to end the situation that is making sex difficult. For example, if they are living with the in-laws and there is no privacy he should try to remedy that. If they are both too tired, he should find times when they are rested to initiate.  If the situation is out of his hands, such as sickness, then he should see it as from the hand of God. He must guard himself and not make excuses for lustful thoughts or actions. He should also comfort his wife because she probably feels guilty about not being able to provide for him. Dry spells should be ended as soon as possible unless the Lord providentially puts a couple in a circumstance where love making is impossible.

Twelfth, emotional closeness and physical closeness go hand in hand. For the Christian sex is not just a physical act. We are making love to someone we are supposed to be in a deep, intimate relationship with. Without that relationship sex can lose its savor, especially for the wife. Husbands don’t forget this. If you are not getting action in the bedroom it is probably because the dishes are not getting done or you said something mean or the kids are out of control or you have spent five minutes talking to your wife in the last week.  If the amount of sex is not up to your approval look first to your emotional relationship with your wife, not your physical one. 

The Christian Marriage Bed: Part I

            There are few places so profaned in our culture as the marriage bed. The culture mocks those who want to marry one man or woman and stay married. The man who is idolized in our culture is the one who hops from bed to bed. The woman who is idolized is the one who stays young and sexy so that all men notice her as she walks down the street. We are told that married sex is dull, boring, mundane, and rare.

            But the Scriptures give a very different picture of the married life. God’s commands are given so that we might have joy and delight. When he tells us to marry and remain faithful to our spouse for life, he is telling us the best path to happiness, joy, and pleasure. He is not chaining us down in a dark cellar to rot. Here are some exhortations that should help you make your bedroom a place of service, delight, and honor. This article is addressed to married couples.

First, the husband is responsible for leading his wife in their thinking about sex.  He must be praying about their sex life and seeking to bring the couple’s thinking about sex captive to Christ.

Second, the husband is to imitate Christ by sacrificing in the marriage bed. He is to make sure his wife is enjoying sex. He is to serve her. Too many married Christian men approach their wife like a vending machine who is there to give to us. But Ephesians 5:25 commands us to lay down our lives for our wives and this includes in the bedroom. Our passions and lusts can prevent us from doing this. Men, if your primary concern in bed is getting what you want, you are not imitating Christ.   

Third, God invented sex and made you for a sexual relationship. Sex within marriage is a gift from God. You were made for it. It is not dirty, bad, ugly, or sinful.  Many of us, both men and women, have committed sexual sins in the past. Sex has become for us a symbol of sin. But in the beginning it was not that way. And as redeemed Christians, we should not think of it that way.

Fourth, sex was created by God for our pleasure. God wants us to enjoy our spouse.  Again because of past experiences, we can think enjoying sex is bad. There is residual guilt, which leads us to treat sex as something to be ashamed of instead of rejoiced in. But remember the Lord gave us the Song of Solomon. In the Song of Solomon sex is a shadowed joy and delight. We may not know exactly what is going on, but they are enjoying themselves. There is tasting and touching and smelling.  As Christians our sex lives should resemble the Song of Solomon, not in the specifics, but in tone, which is one of great pleasure and delight in one another.

Fifth, past and present sexual sins must be confessed and overcome to have Christ-honoring sex life. But if they are confessed then forgiveness should be assumed. We must fight the urge to hide our sins. But we must also fight the urge to keep bringing them up after confession, repentance, and forgiveness. Remember, all of your sins are forgiven in Christ.

Sixth, sex should be a regular part of your marriage (I Corinthians 7:1-5).  If there are long periods of no sex then you are disobeying God, unless he has providentially hindered you. (See #11 tomorrow). 

What is Marriage For?

            What are the reasons in the Bible for us to get married? Why did God ordain marriage and why did he let it continue after the fall? Here are some Biblical reasons for marriage.  The first five would all be true even if man had not sinned. Only the last two are a result of sin in some way, though of course sin affects our ability to fulfill the first five. By the way the picture to the left is me officiating a wedding. I love ministering at weddings for my congregation. It is great chance to remind the whole church what marriage is for and how we can honor Christ in it. 

First, God ordained marriage for taking dominion over the earth. Genesis 1:26-28 gives us God’s original plan for the creation of man.  Man was given dominion over the earth, he was to fill the earth and subdue it. Eve was to be Adam’s helper in this task (Genesis 2:18). Psalm 8 makes it clear that this dominion still belongs to man even after the sin in the Garden of Eden. Now, man cannot truly fulfill this until he redeemed by Christ. But Christ redeems us so that we might participate in His taking dominion over the earth.  A single person can participate in the dominion mandate. But typically we fulfill this command through getting married and having children.

Second, God ordained marriage to be a witness to Christ and his Church. Churches love to talk about evangelism, which is of course a good thing. But there is only one relationship that is explicitly called a picture of Christ and his Church; marriage. Ephesians 5:22-33 makes it clear that when a man and woman get married they immediately become a living, breathing painting of Jesus and His Bride. This means our marriages always point to something greater than the marriage itself. A failed or bad Christian marriage is a slander of Jesus Christ.

Third, God ordained marriage for our companionship. It was not good for Adam to be alone. God himself is not alone, but is Triune, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Our spouses should not just be our lovers or someone we work alongside. Our spouses should be our best friends. Over the years we are married there should be a deep emotional and spiritual intimacy that develops between husband and wife. We should not aim to marry our soul mate. But the person we marry should become our soul mate.

Fourth, God ordained marriage for the bearing of children. This is explicitly stated in Genesis 1:28. The Scriptures see children of covenant parents as a great blessing to God and his Kingdom. The Scriptures assume and expect that godly marriages will be fruitful and bear many children (See Deut. 28:4, 11, Psalm 127-128, I Timothy 5:10, 14, Titus 2:4).  A couple that refuses to bear children is violating God’s Word. If a couple cannot have children that does not mean they are not blessed by God. God intends to bless that couple in other ways and for them to honor him in some other way. However, most Christian marriages should result in a having many children and bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Fifth, God ordained marriage for our physical pleasure. Proverbs 5:15-20 and the Song of Solomon make this point. The sexual relationship is not just for the bearing of children or for sexual protection. It is also for the joy and pleasure of the couple. God intended for us to enjoy our spouses physically.

Sixth, God ordained marriage for the sexual protection of the man and woman. Paul makes this clear in I Corinthians 7:2-5. Getting married is one of the ways God provides for us physically and keeps us from burning with lust. The way so many in our culture wait to get married leads naturally to promiscuity, pornography, and other sexual sins. 

Seventh, God ordained marriage so we might learn to die. Or to put it another way, God ordained marriage for our sanctification.  There are few situations like marriage and raising children that can show someone their sinful heart. We get married believing we are great and wonderful, only to find out that there are a lot of ungodly thoughts and emotions that we need to confess and turn from. Later we think have grown then children come along and the process starts all over again. God can and does sanctify us in other ways. But again marriage is his usual way of helping us grow in the image of Christ.  

Defeating the Idol of Sex

Here is a follow up to last week's post. It is directed mainly to married couples. I will address singles later this week or next week. 

How do we fight the idolization of sex?

1.      Worship the living God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Believe that only He can provide everlasting satisfaction and joy. Bow down before God and you will be less tempted to bow before sex.

2.      Remember sex is intended to be act of love between a man and woman married to each other. The point of sex is not so you can experience something, though this will certainly happen. The point is to give. That is what love is. Again, C.S. Lewis, “Say your prayers in a garden early, ignoring steadfastly the dew, the birds and the flowers, and you will come away overwhelmed by its freshness and joy; go there in order to be overwhelmed and, after a certain age, nine times out of ten nothing will happen to you.”  His point is that if we do something primarily to have a certain experience then what we will often be disappointed. But if we go to do what we are supposed to do then we will often be satisfied.  So too with sex.

3.      Sex is a gift from God.  Like any gift it must be used to love God and to love our neighbor. These two commands put fences around our sex life. Any act or thought which does not love God or love my spouse is sin.

4.      Sex is a gift from God. Sex is to be enjoyed within the bounds of the marriage bed. Sex is not evil or wicked or perverse. The idolization of sex will not be defeated by treating sex as dirty or bad.

5.      Sex is a gift from God designed for certain purposes, including conceiving children, providing pleasure, protecting one’s spouse from temptation, and making a man and woman one flesh. It is not designed to provide a transcendental, spiritual experience. It is not the pinnacle of human experience. It was not supposed to give you some dramatic encounter with God. As Mrs. Elizabeth Elliott said, “Sometimes sex is a sandwich. Sometimes it is a steak.” If you can’t enjoy sex as a sandwich then sex has become an idol.

6.      Beware the danger of always wanting more from your sex life. Beware of the slow creeping lie that there is something better and if you just do this or buy that or watch this then you can have a better sexual experience. Pull that weed up immediately and learn to be content with what God has given you.

7.      Beware comparing your sex life with someone else’s.  Most of us have seen numerous examples of sex on screen or read about sexual experiences in books or magazines. The temptation is to compare our sex life with what we have seen or read. To put it mildly, this is devastating to a real, enjoyable sex life. It does not matter what the world or other people are doing in their beds. Enjoy your spouse.  Make love with her/him without a single thought for the expectations of the outside world. You will be happier.

8.      Be content with what you have. This is the positive side of numbers 6 & 7.  Unless something is not working physically, your sex life is just fine and your spouse is just fine. The grass is not greener. 

The Idolization of Sex

The real danger seems to me not that the lovers will idolize each other but that they will idolize Eros [sexual love] himself.” (C.S. Lewis in The Four Loves)

C.S. Lewis is a master of the human heart. He understands very clearly the dangers that come, not only with hurt, but with pleasure and joy.  We assume that it is the wicked, evil things that destroy us. But all too often it is the good thing, that which is beautiful and enjoyable becomes a bloodthirsty demon.  Why? We replace the Creator with the creature.  The creature, the thing, the experience, becomes our god. We long for it without God, instead of under God. The moment we do that we have brought home a dragon that will eventually eat us.

All areas of human experience are prone to this idolization.  But there is no area so easily worshiped today as sex.  Our culture is sexualized beyond anything seen before.  Even past sexual cultures, such as Rome, were not as sexual as ours. Our commercials are filled with sexual innuendo or scantily clad women. Our teenage daughters wear more to bed than they do on the street.  Television shows and movies are filled with sexual imagery. Songs are filled with sexual lyrics. Magazines have articles on how to have a better sex life.  Christians write books on how to have a better sex life.  Pastors preach sermons on how to have a better sex life. Apparently, a better sex life is the way to happiness.

But it is important to understand that what people want is not a particular man or a particular woman to have sex with. They want a particular experience.  A man watching pornography does not want the porn star. He wants what the porn star can supposedly give; a sexual high. A woman who sleeps with men at the drop of hat or dresses with most of her body showing is not looking to please a particular man. She is trying to get a particular experience.  Often, even the Christian, because he or she has been catechized by our culture, is looking for a particular sexual experience.  In other words, we bow down and worship sex. It is our god, our great savior.  It is the transcendental experience that will get us closer to God.