As
a boy I loved to trade baseball and football cards with my friends. We would
meet on Saturday morning, go to the local supermarket, buy a few packs, open
them up and then decide what we wanted to keep and what we wanted to
trade. Of course, what you could get
from your friends always depended on what you had. If I got a Ken Griffey Jr.
rookie card or Brett Favre special edition then I could get something in
return. But if all I had was a lame 15 year veteran who had never really done
much then I was stuck.
I
was talking to a friend last week and we were discussing how we treat our wives
and God and it became clear that even as grown men we still like to trade. But
now instead of trading cards we are trading good deeds for good deeds. I will
do this for you, if you will do this for me.
We give so we can get. The
more I thought about this the uglier it became. I realized that as Christians
we often approach life like we are trading cards (or whatever girls traded when
they were young). Here are some ways we
do this:
Parenting
I
never traded a card if I did not think I was getting something better in
return. Parents can adopt this same
mindset. They do not give for the sake of the child, but for the sake of the
parent. This can work a thousand different ways, but here are some examples. I
bought you those clothes so now you must show me respect. I spent time playing a game with you, so now
you should happily do your chores. I spent my time and money to educate you, so
now you must get a job that I approve of. We can do this with spanking as well. Spanking
can become a way of getting from the child instead of giving to the child. We
are trading some swats for what we want. Now obviously all of these things, buying
clothes, playing games, etc. are good things and we should do them. But there
is often a spirit behind them that does not reflect the love of God towards us.
The things we do become hooks in our child to bind them to us instead of training
for our child to be free to follow God. The parents do not spend their life
giving. They spend their life trading.
Marriage
Spouses
do the same thing in marriage. The wife
cooks all day and thinks her husband should now be nice to her because of her
labor in the kitchen. The husband treats his wife to a nice dinner on Friday
night so he can watch football on Sunday afternoon. The wife submits to her husband in one easy
area so she won’t have to in another more difficult area. The husband is kind in public so he can be a
jerk in private. The possibilities are
endless. Just like the parents the spouses here are trading, not giving.
Our Walk with God
And
of course, we can do this with God as well. We barter with God. God if I pray
every day then I expect my life to be easier.
If I show up at church every week then I won’t get fired or fall into
financial ruin. If I clean up my life then you will bring a wife/husband. If I
read my Bible every day then I will not get cancer or my child won’t die in a
car wreck. If I preach faithfully then my church will grow by leaps and bounds.
If I start obeying here then I expect you to bless me over here. And on and on
it goes. We are trading with God. We are not giving. We are treating God like a
vending machine where if we put in so much time or obedience then he will
dispense blessings.
We can do this with our fellow church members as
well or for me I can do it with my flock.
One
final point here: these trades are usually unspoken. We would never say I am playing with my child
so they will do their chores well. Or I
will be nice to my wife so she will let me spend some extra money next week. So the words are rarely spoken, but that doesn’t
mean the trade is not happening.
Dangers with this Mindset
First,
we begin to look at people based on what they can give us. You don’t trade with
people who have nothing to offer. Unless
the person has something worth trading they are of little value to us. At best
we put up with them and at worse we totally reject them.
Second,
we are frequently disappointed when God, our children, or our spouses do not
deliver on their part of the trade. People who live this way are bitter because they
thought they were trading for $50.00 rookie card and got a 2 cent card instead.
Third,
we can assume that others are treating us the same way. We look at a kindness done to us and we
assume the other person wants to trade with us. So we try to give back to them
in some way. And this cuts out true
thanksgiving. True thanksgiving comes when something is given, not when
something is traded for.
Fourth,
our children will learn to function this way. They will drink from our well and
learn to be kind to those from whom they can get something in return.
Fifth,
we misunderstand God’s grace in our lives. If we think that God is in the
bartering business we are blind to our own sinfulness and God’s goodness to us.
God was not kind to us because of what we could give back to him. We can offer him nothing that he does not
already have.
Sixth,
we obscure God’s grace to those around us. When we trade with those around us
we are not treating them as God treats us. We are like a carnival mirror giving a
distorted picture of who God really is.
Well there is the diagnosis. Tomorrow I will talk about obedience and
blessing and will also suggest some ways to cure this particular disease.
1 comment:
I got a lot out of this! THanks!
Julie
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