Pursuing Hospitality: What If I Am Single?

What about those young men or women who are not married? Can they still practice hospitality? The answer to this is clear. Yes and they must. The command in Romans 12:13 is to all Christians, not just the married. However, there are can be some difficulties practicing hospitality when you are not married. Let me give a few bits of advice for those who are single. Much of this could also apply to couples who are limited in their space.

First, for young women and men still living at home. Make sure you are actively engaged in helping your parents with their hospitality. Do not stand by and let your parents do all the work. Do not assume that since you are now fifteen We learn best by doing.

Second, if you live on your own or with parents who do not share your convictions, you will have to think outside the box when it comes to hospitality. Most singles (and young couples) do not have room at their home/apartment to entertain a family. Or they may still live at home and this prevents them from just inviting people over. To fulfill this command they are going to have to do things a little differently. You could offer to bring a meal to a family’s house and eat it with them. Most families would love this. As a single man or woman, you could take a couple or family out to a restaurant for a meal. During the summer you could meet a family at a park with hotdogs, etc. and grill for them. When you are invited over to a home offer to bring some food or drink. As a single person you will have to find ways to practice hospitality that do not always involve your home. Do not be afraid to take initiative.

Third, watch hospitality in action. When you are invited to a home, observe and take mental notes about how things are done. Learn from the families around you so that you are ready to fill their shoes when the time comes.
Finally, do not forget other singles of the same sex. If you are a young man, invite young men to your home or apartment and cook them a meal. If you are a lady, living on her own or with a roommate, invite other ladies and serve them a meal. It may feel odd at first, but it is still hospitality.

I Don't Sin and Don't Hang Out With People Who Do

Here is another quote from John Calvin on the call of Matthew. His point is clear hypocrites do not understand the depth of their own sin and therefore they refuse to be counted among the wicked. 

"Hypocrites, being satisfied and intoxicated with a foolish confidence in their own righteousness, do not consider the purpose for which Christ was sent into the world, and do not acknowledge the depth of evils in which the human race is plunged, or the dreadful wrath and curse of God which lies on all, or the accumlated load of vices which weighs them down. The consequence is, that they are too stupid to feel the miseries of men, or to think of a remedy.  While they flatter themselves, they cannot endure to be placed in their own rank, and think that injustice is done them, when they are classed with transgressors." (John Calvin, Commentary on the Harmony of the Gospels, p. 401-402)

Pursuing Hospitality: What About Non-Christians?

One of the great difficulties for many of us is that we have friends or family members that are non-Christians. How do we practice hospitality towards those who are not believers? Each situation is different and will require wisdom, but here are some basic guidelines. If you have questions about a specific situation then should to talk to your elders.

First, showing hospitality to non-believers can be a good way to evangelize. There is no better picture of the gospel than eating and drinking with sinners. But do not use the meal as a way to “spring the gospel on them.” If you invite them over for a meal, invite them over for a meal. Don’t tell them it is a meal and the try to slide the gospel in the backdoor. That way they know what they are getting into and don’t feel duped. Of course, if the opportunity arises to talk about Christ take it. Just don’t force it.

One of the best ways to show people Christ is by inviting them into your home and letting them see your daily living. This would include prayer before meals, family worship, discipline of the children, love for your wife, etc. In other words, if someone comes in to your home for an evening they should see Christ preached through the way you live. You should pray that this would eventually open a door for you to preach Christ with your words.

Second, you should not generally invite someone into your home who claims to be a Christian, but is living in open unrepentant sin. Do not sit down at a table, pretending the person is a brother or sister in Christ, while they are engaged in high handed rebellion against God. I Corinthians 5:9-11 makes this clear. It can be difficult to determine how far to take these verses. If you have questions again you can talk to your elders.

Third, you should not invite over non-Christians who are promoting their non-Christian worldviews, especially if you have young children. I would invite over a sexually immoral non-Christian. However, I would not invite over a sexually immoral non-Christian who wanted me to join them in their sexual immorality or worse was interested in getting my children to see things their way. Usually, this is not the case. Most non-Christians you invite into your home will know you are a Christian and will respect that. However, as our society becomes more anti-Christian do not be surprised if non-Christians try to persuade your children or you on your own turf. If the person is recruiting for the world, you should be cautious in inviting them in.

Fourth, you should be cautious about going and eating dinner with non-Christians in their home. When you go into someone’s house you are subject to their rules. There may be occasions where this is okay. But I would normally advise against it, especially if the pagan is recruiting for the world. Try to invite them into your home or go to dinner with them at a restaurant instead.

Finally, the priority in your hospitality should be Christians. These two verses make that point: John 13:35 and Galatians 6:10. If you can minister to non-believers you should. But if you have to make a choice, and some of us do, then invite over Christians. As John 13:35 points out, this is evangelism.

Pursuing Hospitality: Next Five Principles

Here are the next five principles for hospitality. For the first five you can see this post.

Sixth, practice makes perfect. Your first attempts at hospitality can be awkward. The food may not turn out. The conversation may fall flat. You might forget obvious things. But like anything, you will get better with practice. As you have more people over and different types of people, you will learn what works and what doesn’t. You will learn what you can handle and what you cannot handle. You will find ways to start conversations and direct them. You will learn how to make your guests feel comfortable. Hospitality, like most things, becomes easier the more you do it.

Seventh, if you have children, include them in the preparation. Let them cook. Let them get out special toys for their guest. Our boys have made name plates for each guest coming. Help them to see the sacrifices and joys that come with having guests over. This will give your children a vision for hospitality and serving. One word of warning though. Do not make your children work the entire time the guests are there. You enjoy time with the guests. Let them enjoy that time as well.

Eighth, don’t make excuses for not practicing hospitality. Hospitality is hard work. It is a lot easier to find “reasons” not to practice hospitality than it is to do it. You will not practice hospitality if you are not convinced that it is absolutely essential to your Christian life and witness. As I said earlier, we all are at different phases in our lives and this can limit what we can do. However, there is rarely a reason to never practice hospitality.

Ninth, don’t grumble as you practice hospitality. I Peter 4:9 tells us to practice hospitality without grumbling. Peter is reminding us that it is a great temptation to grumble before or after we invite people into our home. We complain as we get ready for our guests. We complain when our guests leave without a thank you. We grumble about the problems our guests bring into our home. Peter says, “Don’t grumble.” We must cheerfully do our duty.

Finally, don’t judge other people’s hospitality. At a hospitable church, it is easy to start giving sideways glances. We begin to wonder why one family rarely invites anyone over. Or maybe we wonder why another family seems to have everybody over all the time. We wonder why they have three children and we have three children, but they never invite families over and we always do. Jealousy, envy, and pride are constant temptations when we start to obey the commands of Scripture. Tend your own garden. Stop worrying about the garden across town.

Take Up and Read: Thursday Edition

Here are some links I liked from this past week:

Pastor Doug Wilson continues to tell readers what to expect at a CRE church. Here he talks about wine in communion. Here he briefly describes our musical tastes.

Pastor Kevin DeYoung explains why a church must be unapologetically theological.  In other words, every church should love theology.

Pastor Randy Booth tells his readers how to talk behind his back.

Brian Croft has a several good posts on having a multi-generational church and the blessings that come with it. Here are post 1, post 2, and post 3.